this is why we write memoir…
“All I can say is, it’s sort of a kinship, as though there is a family tree of grief. On this branch the lost children, on this the suicided parents, here the beloved mentally ill siblings. When something terrible happens, you discover all of a sudden that you have a new set of relatives, people with whom you can speak in the shorthand of cousins.
Twice now I have heard the story of someone who’s had a stillborn child since Pudding has died, and it’s all I can do not to book a flight immediately, to shop up somewhere I’m not wanted, just so that I can say, It happened to me, too, because it meant so much to me to hear it. It happened to me, too, meant: It’s not your fault. And You’re not a freak of nature. And This does not have to be a secret.”
-From Elizabeth McCracken’s forthcoming memoir, An Exact Replica of a Figment of My Imagination
This is one of the reasons why we write a memoir-to share an experience, commit a painful story to paper. To feel less alone. We don’t write it in hopes for a spot on Oprah, to score the six-figure book deal, to be a part of the buzz, we write it to let something go, to say something out loud so that we can say that this terrible, terrible thing did indeed happen. It wasn’t a figment of our imagination. We write it because we bear witness, we write it because somewhere, someplace, a stranger might nod, might mumble some words, might even cry because it happened to them, too. We write it because we need to write through it to move on and write something else. Or write nothing at all. We write to let go, to release, to believe that some secrets aren’t worth keeping.
August 27th, 2008 at 9:10 am
I don’t believe in secrets. Secrets wound. The truth releases us. Words save us. Telling our stories lets the light in again.
August 27th, 2008 at 9:30 am
and on a much smaller scale, that is why I blog. for validation. for women just like me to say “I’ve been there” “I get it” “you are NOT alone.”
August 27th, 2008 at 9:58 am
I couldn’t agree with you more! And it’s all important, relevant & healing.
August 27th, 2008 at 12:55 pm
Wow. This kind of caught me off guard. I’ve always said that my memoir (regarding adoption, written about more at my other site) can wait to be written. That it isn’t finished yet. That no one cares anyway. I’ve always had your words here in the back of my mind but have brushed them off as just some point I’m trying to convince myself of while arguing that, really, no one cares.
I’m crying at the end of your paragraph. Nodding my head and mumbling along.
I thank you today. Maybe I needed this kick in the pants.
August 27th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
I have yet to write my memoirs, but I do keep a journal (both online and paper). Not only does it remind me of things that I’d long forgotten about (most of high school!) but it’s also theraputic. Sometimes it even gives me a third person perspective once I’ve written things out.
I will admit that Anne Frank influenced me a bit in keeping a record. Reading that book for the first time in 5th grade helped me realize that you can write about the good AND the bad and still grow from it. And if someone else comes along and learns something from your writing then extra kudos to you.
August 28th, 2008 at 11:24 am
And I have always feared writing down the truth if it meant public consumption–Only because I fear hurting my family but letting everyone in on what I felt was dysfunctional/and what makes me who I am..Maybe someday I’ll write it all down..and hopefully someday I won’t fear “hurting them” by having it written..So instead I tend to write fiction that touches on some of what I felt..but I do envy the ability to write it all down without worry or concern.