Getting in on…in fiction
As I lament over the expiration of my three-month investment in various dating sites (insert the usual suspects here), I wonder how hard is it for me to go on a normal date. Not with a guy who collects stuffed kittens or with a WASP advertising executive who recorded his soon-to-released solid gold hit, “SMACK DAT ASS” and proceeds to go verse for verse over carpaccio, or a recovered alcoholic who pretends to get blitzed on Perrier and cranberry. Ah, the good old days! I can’t recall the last time I’ve dated someone who can pass for normal, or at least normal by C.I.A standards.
And as another year passes and I find myself scanning registries for that perfect yet affordable shower gift for the latest friend who’s taking entrance exams for inclusion in the coveted stroller-mom set, I can’t help but want to pull my hair out as my brethren –geeks and dorks- exhibit rock star sex status in literary fiction. Yes, I know. LITERARY FICTION. But still. BUT STILL!
Let’s pause for a moment while I dust off a glazed organic donut.
Now, back to the matter at hand. All the novels I’ve read as of late are transporting me back to they heyday of Revenge of the Nerds (the original, thank you very much): a time when men with pencil protectors and women with coke-bottle glasses saved the day, won the guy/girl, and cured cancer. They have harems! They are smacking asses! Getting mad booty! So rather than pray that I turn into a Gary Shteyngart or Sam Lipsyte character for my thirty-third birthday (and it’s approaching faster than you can say AUDITION WAS A TERRIBLE MOVIE), I want to get some reality from fiction. How are all my favorite characters getting so much proverbial play? How are they achieving greatness with the opposite sex? What sage lessons can be learned?
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August 14th, 2008 at 5:58 pm
Try looking at your dating adventures another way. How do you think the semi-anonymous men you meet look at you? Do you pass for normal - by CIA standards?
When it comes to dating (at least 30+ dating), I think we zero in on potential partners who are more like us than we realize. Trouble is, it’s often not these other people we should be despairing over.
August 16th, 2008 at 11:22 am
I don’t think “normal,” is too much to ask for, but having been with the same guy for 23 years now, I’m still waiting for him to act “normal.” Love the bit about the solid gold singer and the recovering alcoholic - Lord, have mercy! : )